Inside, Looking Out

Description:

From a psychological perspective, and, through the gift of hindsight (I should add)... I love that this was my very first painting.

Visually, it's not much to look at, as an initial offering (I'll readily admit). And, it's not hard to see that I actually didn't know what to paint here. I was used to drawing, after all, which is black and white. So, in addition to the unfamiliar process of painting, I also had to start thinking in color (which is a weird thing to "say" out loud).

Nonetheless, as I analyze this image now, through the lens of a 30+ year creative journey, I can't help but see that this painting (even if composed purely unconsciously) is the perfect introduction to what has become my body of work.

This painting represents the heart of my work. It is the illuminated chamber of my consciousness, barely becoming aware of its own existence, internally, as is it "looks out" in quiet observation.

Also, because I was still living at home at the time, with my mother and two siblings, the potential dangers I perceived then were projected onto the outside world that awaited me (where everyone's life stories are truly defined). Or, so I told myself.

However, what I hadn't realized then is that this quiet room is where I ultimately host and engage the shadow. It is the controlled environment where I ultimately invited danger, to analyze conflicts and disarm perceived threats, which are mostly psychological; a revelation that you will see unfold throughout this journey.