Description:

Sex is the quintessential forbidden fruit, and most (if not all) psychologists agree that wanting what we can't have is undeniably intoxicating (even in the most refined of intellects). Although, there are also as many reasons for the forbidden fruit effect as there are rational people.

In fact, some psychologists believe that the simple yearning to express ourselves freely, and to define our own destinies is one of the most powerful influencers, constantly inviting us to cross perceived boundaries.

Although, others believe that even a healthy curiosity to discover what is unknown and to understand its effects and consequences can also cause us to behave in ways that appear to be (or are) irrational.

But, don't worry... I know I'm not on trial here. So, I'm not trying to build a defense of any kind. I'm simply reinforcing the fact that I truly recognize an incongruity in my own thinking, as it relates to desire.

For the most part, I'm pretty practical in my understanding of our existence, even if I am also my own worst critic. I wholeheartedly accept the premise that I am of mind, body and spirit; all of which require nurturing in different ways

Equally important, as briefly mentioned in Felt, I also understand that I am sentient (able to perceive and feel) and ephemeral (here, only for a short time).

So, I desire (plainly and simply).

I doubt and question myself for it, every time (whether rightly or wrongly).

And, I hurt when rejected (whatever the reason/s).

To make matters worse, I never learned how to read even the most obvious of signs and signals that differentiate casual flirtations, genuine romantic interests and overt sexual advances (even when they seem apparent to others). So, those puzzle pieces remained separated in my mind and ultimately created dysfunctional boundaries that either made me appear unstable or disinterested.

Regardless of the story in each instance... my interactions with women mostly left me with a growing collection of embarrassments, wounds, unanswered questions and a growing need to rectify these disparities through fantasy, which always took place on canvas.

So, that's what this painting truly is, a collection of excavated artificts and an illuminated peek behind closed doors, where all of these experiences, questions and indulgences are stored for observation and contemplation, hoping that the puzzle pieces will eventually make sense and fit together in harmony (albeit, after some intensive re-arranging and decluttering, of course).